babyfootfluff


Wordless Wednesday: Simplicity


bad day…

Did you ever have a day that you wish you could erase?  If only I could start the day over and be a better mother.  So tonight I have a heavy heart and a big smashing load of guilt.  Nothing to do but start over tomorrow and apologize for today.


My thoughts about Josh…

As the end of the school year comes closer I am forced to recognize that my family will be going through a cataclysmic change, Josh will be graduating and going to college. Just typing that caused my eyes to burn with the threat of tears.  I’m. not. ready.   Joshua became the child of my heart when he was twelve, and in these last five and a half years I’ve raised him and watched him grow from being a lego-obsessed boy to a girl-obsessed  pre adult(although still lego obsessed).  It is hard to accept that he won’t be swooping into the house with a million stories to tell me. Damn, there go the stupid tears again.  I think the most obvious change will the absence of Bach from that gypsy viola of his. Nobody can do Bach on the viola like he can. His playing has the ability to break your heart and exalt you to the heavens at the same time. One of the things I love about Josh and our relationship is that he loves for his playing to be able to wring tears from soppy, sappy me. When he puts down the bow he glances over to me and if I’m wiping away tears and sniffling he knows he’s nailed it.  He is an immensely driven person and very disciplined. His Dad might disagree, but I see it. How hard he tries, how frustrated he gets, how jubilant when it flows.  Next year seems like a desolate prospect without our Joshie.  And he says” I know you’ll cry and miss me but I’m ready to go” Oh, Josh, last night you said I make the best macaroni salad and my heart swelled with pride. There’s no other compliment that means more.  Damn tears.

Josh and Eli